I was reflecting back on a couple of my previous posts and thought it only fair to share an update. In the post “Baby Got Back,” I wondered if I would lose my ass. As I have stated before, the hips and ass are kind-of like a family crest. In fact, 15 years ago when I was training with Trainer McEye-Candy, I referred to my legs as “the Jacksons.” He would say, “Ok, today, we’re gonna work on those Jacksons!” I thought that, no matter how hard I tried, I would carry my family between my lower back and my knees.
Well, much to my husband’s dismay, I have lost my ass! It’s not all gone, now, but it has diminished considerably. I honestly did not think it would. One day, I was annoyed and just had to see what was hitting the top of my thighs. You won’t believe what it was! My ass had a crease under it that wasn’t there before. The crease allowed my buns to have a separation between butt and thigh. And my butt was touching my thigh! Crazy, right?!
The other follow-up was from the post called “What If?” In “What if” I talked about the fact that I have never been a small woman and, therefore, have never had sexual relations as a small woman. I wondered if I would know what to do. Would I discover different positions? Would I be in my head as I had been many previous years? Well, let me tell you, as discreetly as possible, Um, I’m doing just fine.
I feel free and I don’t worry about being too heavy for my husband. I have enjoyed myself for the 12 years that we have been together, and now even moreso. It feels different and my confidence level is through the roof.
Now, I feel the need to stop here and say that one does not need to be of a certain size to enjoy sex alone or with a partner. This is not some tale like the others “Once she lost the weight, she got the prince.” This is more a tale of realizing how much time and energy was wasted in my head, once again, thinking about something that I thought should come naturally. Now, I feel healthy. I am still 70 pounds away from my goal, but the number on the scale doesn’t matter all that much (that’s a lie, I check almost daily, but I’m working on that.)
If I could talk to my younger self, I would say “Girl! You are gorgeous. You are enough and you are attractive! Just let yourself be. Don’t concentrate so much on how to move or breathe to please your partner. Trust, he is pleased! Be in the moment. Feel the feels and let go.” This can be done at any age and any size as long as I give myself permission. And I do.
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